Sunday, August 31, 2008

Your Black College: New School Year, New Boys

By Joy Leopold

New Year, New Boys

The problem with old boyfriends is that they never go away long enough for you to get your life back in order before they show up again. Maybe you’re at the point that you don’t think about him every time you pass that old tree the two of you once had a picnic under. You even forgot what color his eyes are and which side his dimple was on. You’re well on your way to that special place where out of sight meets out of mind, but before you reach it, he’s back, and with a vengeance.

Maybe you run into each other at the grocery store. You’re in the t-shirt you slept in, and, of course, he looks good enough to eat. He smiles a smile, that perfect smile he used to smile, and suddenly he has you back where you started. Suddenly your unsuspecting and confused mind is spinning. You can’t remember any of the reasons you promised yourself you’d never speak to him again. You can’t remember why you spent weeks screening his calls. You can’t remember anything…

“Hey,” he says. “Hi,” you say. You try to sniff his cologne without him noticing. He doesn’t notice. He’s too busy noticing how you look cute even though you’re in your pajamas. You notice him noticing you and your heart skips a beat. “Aha,” you think, “he’s still hooked.”Still hooked is a good place to have him. Still hooked means you can have him back if you exert a little effort. Still hooked means the two of you could wind up back where you were when there would be no way you could forget the deep brown color of his eyes. Still hooked means your life is in danger of never getting back in order.

But this is a new year. Remember what he did in April that made you so angry you could barely see? And whatever he said in May that made you wish you’d never met him? Yeah, he’s the same. He hasn’t changed. He’s still cute, and you still kind of can’t breathe when you’re around him, but he hasn’t changed. He hasn’t changed and what’s more, he doesn’t want to change, so he’s not going to. If you’re like millions of college-aged girls, your fall semester is just beginning. Your schedule is soon to be filled with new classes in new rooms with new teachers and new classmates. Maybe you’ve got a few new roommates to get to know. And with all this newness, the last thing a girl needs is the same, trifling boys from last semester.

It’s time for 20somethings everywhere to stand up and say, “new year, new boys!” Out with the old, the tired, the trifling, in with the new. Be as happy as you deserve to be or be single!

So you’re in the grocery store, holding your breath, wondering what to do. Make small talk? Try to find out if he has a new girlfriend? Kick him? Mentally shake yourself. “Get it together,” tell yourself. Then, “He’s so not ready for this.” Next, smile a smile, that smile you smile when you know you’re about to win. Say goodbye, and walk away. Look back, just once, to make sure his jaw is touching the ground and once you see that it is, keep going.

And when he calls a few days later, send him to voicemail without hesitation. Listen to the message he leaves, but don’t call him back.

New year, new boys.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Black College Students: Romance In 2008

By Chiderah A. Monde

It is rather discouraging, being a huge fan of Motown and music from years past, because these songs make us girls wish for the times when there was actual courting by a gentleman admirer, dates that consisted of moonlit walks and holding hands, celebration of how beautiful women are in all of our perfect imperfections, and written love letters singing a sad song of wishing she would come back when she’s gone…

It’s discouraging watching movies like “The Notebook” and getting falsified ideas of what men in love look like, since dating back in 1940 is obviously the same as it is now…

It just doesn’t happen like that anymore…and I’m a little bitter.

There are a few guys out there who will argue to the death that they are still perfect gentlemen who know how to treat a lady right, and this might be true….but the characteristics that make a “Southern gentleman” today has definitely changed from what was considered one back then.

Sorry guys, technology won’t let you be “Southern gentlemen” anymore.

Because today ladies, instead of hurriedly bumping into a man on the street and turning to apologize at the same time he is, causing your eyes to meet and your heart to instantly be captured…

We turn to Myspace, Facebook,, and many other websites to see if we can lock eyes with his perfect picture. And then we pray he looks like that in real life if it is at all an attractive profile picture.

And today, instead of receiving a letter in the mail titled “To My Dearest” and detailing the outing he plans to pick you up later tonight for…

We get 10pm text messages saying “Wussup, whatchu doin tonite boo?”

Followed with “I’m tryna chill tonite, you gonna let me come ova?”

Or maybe that’s just us college aged girls….I should certainly hope those older aren’t subject to the same unfortunate text messages.

Still today, instead of getting close at a local lounge dancing the night away, face to face, his hands on your hips, yours around his neck slowly swaying to the sounds of Smokey Robinson’s “Cruisin’” or Marvin and Tammy’s “You’re All I Need To Get By” (my favorite songs)….

We go to the club and get freaky to “Falsetto” or bend over to the remix of “Back That Ass Up” as the DJ asks over the microphones “Where my nasty girls at?!” and naive girls scream in response.

When did it become okay to leave the “getting to know you” part of human relationships out and get right to the relating?

To need a “down ass ride or die bitch” as opposed to feeling so lucky because there “ain’t no woman like the one [you’ve] got”

To see him across the room at the next party instead of him picking you up and assuring your parents he’ll get you back safely by midnight.

To never spend nights on the phone talking with your special someone because he prefers texting anyway…

Or even to be told things like “damn girl you look good” or “you sexy as hell”, in replacement of being told you’re beautiful.

It became okay when texting became a verb, when Facebook became a verb, when became where you find your one true love, when love dropped it’s vowels and became luv, when terms of endearment like “bust it baby” replaced “sugar pie, honey bunch”….

And when girls began taking directions in a song from Lil John, who says things like “bend over to the front, touch your toes, back that ass up and down and get low”.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

If technology is going to be the death of romance, then only people can be its savior