Black College Students: Romance In 2008

By Chiderah A. Monde


It is rather discouraging, being a huge fan of Motown and music from years past, because these songs make us girls wish for the times when there was actual courting by a gentleman admirer, dates that consisted of moonlit walks and holding hands, celebration of how beautiful women are in all of our perfect imperfections, and written love letters singing a sad song of wishing she would come back when she’s gone…

It’s discouraging watching movies like “The Notebook” and getting falsified ideas of what men in love look like, since dating back in 1940 is obviously the same as it is now…

It just doesn’t happen like that anymore…and I’m a little bitter.

There are a few guys out there who will argue to the death that they are still perfect gentlemen who know how to treat a lady right, and this might be true….but the characteristics that make a “Southern gentleman” today has definitely changed from what was considered one back then.

Sorry guys, technology won’t let you be “Southern gentlemen” anymore.

Because today ladies, instead of hurriedly bumping into a man on the street and turning to apologize at the same time he is, causing your eyes to meet and your heart to instantly be captured…

We turn to Myspace, Facebook, Match.com, Eharmony.com and many other websites to see if we can lock eyes with his perfect picture. And then we pray he looks like that in real life if it is at all an attractive profile picture.

And today, instead of receiving a letter in the mail titled “To My Dearest” and detailing the outing he plans to pick you up later tonight for…

We get 10pm text messages saying “Wussup, whatchu doin tonite boo?”

Followed with “I’m tryna chill tonite, you gonna let me come ova?”

Or maybe that’s just us college aged girls….I should certainly hope those older aren’t subject to the same unfortunate text messages.

Still today, instead of getting close at a local lounge dancing the night away, face to face, his hands on your hips, yours around his neck slowly swaying to the sounds of Smokey Robinson’s “Cruisin’” or Marvin and Tammy’s “You’re All I Need To Get By” (my favorite songs)….

We go to the club and get freaky to “Falsetto” or bend over to the remix of “Back That Ass Up” as the DJ asks over the microphones “Where my nasty girls at?!” and naive girls scream in response.

When did it become okay to leave the “getting to know you” part of human relationships out and get right to the relating?

To need a “down ass ride or die bitch” as opposed to feeling so lucky because there “ain’t no woman like the one [you’ve] got”

To see him across the room at the next party instead of him picking you up and assuring your parents he’ll get you back safely by midnight.

To never spend nights on the phone talking with your special someone because he prefers texting anyway…

Or even to be told things like “damn girl you look good” or “you sexy as hell”, in replacement of being told you’re beautiful.

It became okay when texting became a verb, when Facebook became a verb, when Match.com became where you find your one true love, when love dropped it’s vowels and became luv, when terms of endearment like “bust it baby” replaced “sugar pie, honey bunch”….

And when girls began taking directions in a song from Lil John, who says things like “bend over to the front, touch your toes, back that ass up and down and get low”.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

If technology is going to be the death of romance, then only people can be its savior

Young Brothers Don't Want Black Women Anymore?

“We Like Black D***, Just Not Black Men”

Let’s be honest- who wouldn’t want a Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Denzel Washington, or Taye Diggs type of man?


As black women, we’ve watched our brothers be romantically involved with white women for as long as we’ve been in this country. Just when we thought we were accepting it, Asian and Hispanic women picked up on the trend, and Black men started to choose them first. In a day and age where interracial dating is more or less accepted, we have to redirect our anger.

Now, black women are upset because we’ve taken home the bronze medal in comparison to the other races that seek out Black men. For the most part, young Black men are not choosing their Black women, while everyone else is choosing the brothers.

First, look at the music videos you see on BET, MTV or anything else. No longer are “video girls” really black. Hispanic and mixed women seem to be getting closer and closer to the camera. The Vida Guerra’s of the world have taken the front seat, and more brothers want long REAL hair, fair skin and another language to go along with the urban style.

Some people say Black and Hispanics are one in the same, and although we share the same ancestry, I think to put us in the same boat is to ignore the many differences that the two have, especially historically and politically (for the most part, Hispanics picked Hillary over Barack. Does that say anything significant? I think so.)


Next, let’s look at white women- from whom I got the title of this article. It’s not the preferred conversation to overhear during a study break snack, but that statement is exactly what my girls and I heard one day while sitting in the student center on our college campus.

“ Oh my god, I hooked up with a black guy last night…no, I don’t like black men, but I do like black d***!”

…Was this girl serious?

It just goes to show that the physical attraction is- in some cases- the only reason why these unions happen. Okay brothers, I’ll give you that. Some men enjoy having gorgeous exotic looking women of different backgrounds and ethnicities to trophy around with…but ask yourselves, are your parents going to approve of your relationship?

Maybe so, but what about her parents? Are they really as open-minded as she is? The truth is, not all parents are as accepting and open minded as their children.

Do not misinterpret what I’m saying, I do have a lot of white, Asian and Hispanic female friends who date Black men. They are girls with good heads on their shoulders, who are usually friendly, more reserved, smart and very genuine. They have no problem being my friend, and I have no problem being theirs.

It may just be from what I’ve seen around my campus, but the other-race girls who only go after Black men for their well-endowed features, are the ones who do not take the time to befriend black women.

Those girls stick to their own "kind". They’d rather say the curiosity about the physical pleasure was the reason they did it. Those are the kind of girls I overheard saying the above statement.

Brothers, let’s not take this completely as a compliment. You should be offended by such a blatant proclamation. What does this say about you? ”I don’t like black men” means I don’t like black people, and “I just like black d***” means I don’t see you for who you are.

I’ve dated white men, Hispanic men, and even an Asian once. But ultimately and collectively, they don’t want black women either. Of course there are some exceptions to this, one of my best white male friends only dates black women.

Who you choose to date is completely up to you. This article isn’t about that- it is about the reality of human attraction. It is about why Black women in general are becoming the least desired women of all.

We’re too strong-minded, independent, practical, and unadventurous. We argue too much. We work too much. We’re not as fair skinned or pleasing to look at. We like to dress down more than dress up. We’re not always creative in bed. Our hair doesn’t always blow in the wind, and isn’t always our own. We talk too much. We don’t give oral pleasure (says who?), we don’t want to cook every day (actually I love to cook), and we won’t stay with you after you cheat on us (yea, maybe not).

But if that’s why you’d rather not have us, then by all means, as Tyler Perry would say, have your 20%.